Mommy and Me

Author Linda Gordon and Susan Shaffer wrote the book Too Close for Comfort? Questioning the Intimacy of Today's New Mother-Daughter Relationship.

They were interviewed this week in the Life section of the Tennessean, and according to the article their viewpoint is that a mother cannot be a friend to her daughter and vice versa. In fact it goes as far as to say that a mother can undercut the daughters self esteem. Even though I can only speak of my own relationship with my mother I do think that is just baloney.

Why would a mother that gave you life or, in my case, build my self esteem by believing in me and educating me want to undercut all of those years of work? Gordon says in the article,

"They're struggling with how to be a loving, generous mother and "Where do I draw the line between letting her be her own person?" There is one type of mother that is also too dependent on her daughter. The daughter really starts to feel guilty and feels like she's carrying Mom on her back."

How many of us haven't had to struggle saying yes or no to our platonic friends? One must wonder if these ladies have any sort of relationship with their mothers. They also say that any relationship between two women of different ages cannot be equal because they are not at the same point of life. Again, I call baloney. What they are missing is that throughout time women have learned from each other and who better to ask than someone who has been already there? My life and my mother’s life might be completely different - she chose marriage and children over career, I choose career over family. But it doesn't mean we haven't had any similar experiences in our lives.

This article is mostly about daughters that are too lazy to do things for themselves and mothers that will do anything for their child. In the real world if a mother and daughter are to work, live and play together they need respect, trust and most of all they need to be able to talk and to build dreams together. That is what a true mother and daughter friendship is all about.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this!